so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
