I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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