so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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