I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
