I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
