You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
