Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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