So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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