Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Randomize
