whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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