i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
