Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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