my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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