I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
