Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
