my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
