Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
