I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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