i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
