Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
