there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
