I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
