can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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