I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize