Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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