Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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