ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
