I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You made out with two different species that night
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
