just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
