i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
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The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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