Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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