She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
