Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
