I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
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I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
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The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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