your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
