We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
