My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
