I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
