isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
