I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
