Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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