i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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