We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
