Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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