you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
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Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
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hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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