my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
