ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
