I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
