If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The air was thick with penises
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
