Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I did not marry a roomba.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
