So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Bring me that man meat
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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