My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
