I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
