You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
