So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize