Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
