nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
