My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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