I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize