On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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