No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize