That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize