What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
