if you like me you must not know who I am
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
