i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
