The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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