It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
