I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
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His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
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I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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